No Man Is a Failure Who Has Friends

(#17) Watch 25 Classic Movies

1. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
2. A Streetcar Named Desire

3. It's a Wonderful Life

Let me use this opportunity to dispel a rumor about myself. I have been unfairly classified as a "Scrooge" or a "Grinch" for one reason- I don't like Christmas music. It's more the incessant over playing starting in November that I don't like. But I actually love everything else about Christmas. Especially Christmas movies.

My adoration of Christmas movies began last year when I watched Miracle on 34th Street for the first time. There was just something about that movie- the idea that Santa could be real and just a regular guy, that miracles could happen if you just believe...it gets me teared up just thinking about it. And Ronnie got a special Christmas memory of his own when they brought all of those letters addressed to Santa into the court room and I literally went crazy with excitement. I believe I said something like "OMG the post office saved Christmas!!!!!!"

It's a Wonderful Life has the disadvantage of coming after Miracle and therefore being ruthlessly compared to it. And while it didn't quite measure up, it did have some of those joyful moments that you're never too old to appreciate.

Enter George Bailey, the man who can lasso the moon.

The man who always puts others' dreams before his own- his brother, his wife, his town. He's even willing to give up his life just so his family can continue to live comfortably. George is a good guy who just doesn't get any justice in the cruel world- until the angels step in.

Clarence the Angel (Second Class) takes a special interest in George's situation- divine intervention you might say- because all of George's friends pray for him. Because George has so many friends, from all those years of putting other people first. The angel keeps him from killing himself but it is the town who comes together to save George from financial ruin (which was not even slightly his fault). 

I was definitely swept up in the magic of George's situation, but I do have to say that there were some serious plot holes in the story. For example- when did George's friends have time to pray for him? They didn't even know anything was wrong until the very end. What happens to the evil Mr. Potter? He still has that $8,000. And most importantly- just because you replace money after you embezzle it doesn't mean you don't still go to jail for embezzlement. I seriously doubt bank auditors would be that caught up in the joy of the moment. 

Regardless of those issues, and of the ponderous length of this film, I really loved it. Movies like this one are great because of the shared memories that they give us, when we watch them and when we watch others enjoy them for the first time. Here's hoping the next 22 movies on my list are just as special!

Lentil Soup- It Tastes Much Better than It Looks

(#10) Master 25 New Recipes

1. Stuffed Peppers
2. Risotto
3. Polenta
4. Beef Brisket
5. French Onion Soup
6. Chocolate Chip Cookies
7. Lentil Soup

This recipe is largely based on one I got from my future father-in-law (that's fun to say!) and is one that Ronnie has been begging me to make for years. I've made lentil soup before but the recipe I used called for a lot of spinach which ruined it for me. This one was much simpler and much more tasty.

Ingredients:

1 lb lentils washed and sorted (take out any black lentils or anything else that doesn't belong)
1 onion diced
4 carrots diced
4 small or two medium potatoes diced
4 slices bacon diced
2 quarts chicken broth or vegetable broth
olive oil
salt and pepper

1. Heat the olive oil and add the onions and carrots to the pan. After a few minutes of cooking, make a clear spot in the pan and add the bacon. (I had an issue here timing the bacon. Of course it cooks quicker than carrots or onions, but I did not leave it enough time to get crispy. If it doesn't get cripsy before you put the liquid in you can wind up with an unpleasant texture.)
2. Cook until the onions are clear and the carrots are starting to get soft.
3. Add the lentils and toss in the bacon and oily goodness until the lentils are slightly toasted- about two minutes. Stir frequently.
4. Add the stock and the potatoes.
5. Simmer for about an hour.

In the beginning it will look like this:

Here's a closeup of the lentils:

Notice the greenish-gray color of the broth. Don't be alarmed. This is how it is supposed to look.

After about an hour it will look like this. Then you will know it is ready:

You may also notice the unappetizing film that the broth leaves around the edge of the pot. This is also normal. I don't know what it is about lentils but they are very aggressive in their earthy color and texture.

Personally while I liked this soup more than I expected to, it wasn't my favorite. It has a very starchy bean flavor. In my opinion it just doesn't compare to say, my French onion soup.  Ronnie, however, seemed to like it. Just a little.

Forget Everything You Think You Know about A Game of Thrones

(#2) Read 25 Books

1. Room by Emma Donohue
2. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
4. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
    A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin
    A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin
5. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
6. The Shack by William Young

Book three will Blow.Your. Mind. I do not use this phrase lightly.

Remember how devastated you were when (SPOILER ALERT) Ned Stark was killed in book one? And how that changed the entire trajectory of the series?

Yeah, book three is a whole lot of that.

Throughout the book you have no idea how certain elements are going to turn out. Is Tyrion Lannister going to accept Catelyn Stark's deal and return her daughters? Is Arya Stark EVER going to make it to her mother? How is Robb Stark going to make up with the Frey's? Are the men of the Night's Watch going to make it back to the Wall in one piece?

You think these are the important questions for several hundred pages. As it turns out, though, these questions are irrelevant. Because what actually happens changes the meaning of basically everything else that has happened to this point.

As I said in my review of Clash of Kings, what I love about this series is that Martin develops characters so complex you can literally never predict their next move. This still holds true. The most evil characters turn out to be the ones you are rooting for, and ones you had high hopes for turn out to be quite useless, for one reason or another. And the question of who really should be King of the Seven Kingdoms turns out to have an even more complicated answer than you originally thought.

Also the fantasy elements really become central to the plot in this book, and things get really freaky. I expect more of the same in book four.

Basically what I'm saying is if you haven't started reading this series yet, what the heck are you waiting for???

25 Seems Like a Good Age to Get Engaged

If you look back at the list you will see that I left my last list item open for whatever might come my way.

I can't imagine anything that can happen in the next five months that can trump this one. I'm engaged! And let's be honest- I was hoping it would happen this year.

The ladies out there probably understand that there are a million reasons why this was an important step for me, even though Ronnie and I have been in a committed relationship for so long. First of all, I am not one of these modern women who don't think that getting married is important. It is. Next, the pressure of all my girlfriends and coworkers asking me when it was going to happen. Then there is what the engagement signifies to the rest of the world. "Boyfriend" could mean anything. "Fiancee" is something that people take seriously. Even if we don't get married right away (which it is looking like we will wait until 2014), we are taking an important step forward. 

Many of you have heard the story, or some details of it at least. But for those of you who haven't: It started (on my end) the Monday before Thanksgiving with me hitting a curb in my brand new car and popping two of the tires. I called Ronnie, expecting him to be furious (after all it was a brand new car...and the accident involved me and a curb). His reaction was a little puzzling. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Don't be mad. I got a flat tire. 

Ronnie: Oh...is that it?

Me: Yes...?

Ronnie: Well did you try to change the tire?

Me: Do I look like I know how to change a tire?

Ronnie: Well did you look at the spare tire?

Me: (Lightbulb...he is hiding something in the spare tire.) No I didn't look at the tire. Let me turn my back and call the insurance company while you "look at the spare tire."

Having been together for over six years at this point, I was of course expecting the proposal at any time. Also, just from knowing him for this long, I can kind of read him like an open book. He however had no idea that I suspected anything. 

Day before Thanksgiving: Ronnie wakes up at 5 am, telling me he can't sleep because we are at his parents' house and not in our own bed. Interesting.

Thanksgiving Day: Ronnie chews his Aunt's head off for saying "Congratulations" even though she was referring to a football pool that Ronnie and I won. Doubly interesting.  

Black Friday (the day of the proposal): Ronnie insists that we go for a walk for me to get more steps (we are having a contest at work). I tell him okay, lets walk around the neighborhood. He says no, lets go on a "nature walk." I begrudgingly comply. 

We drive to a place around our parents' houses called Gring's Mill. It is a very gorgeous and very mild late November day, with the temperature around 50 degrees, and yet the perpetually too-warm Ronnie insists on wearing his winter coat. I tell him he will be too hot, he will be uncomfortable, we will be walking around...still he insists.

At this point I know something is up. And I am about 75% sure that that something is a ring in the pocket of his coat. 

For some reason I then decide to give him a hard time. I continue asking him about the coat until he tells me that "the lining is cooler" than the outer wool. I feel the lining, watching his face for a reaction as my hand approaches his pocket. (He admits that he thinks I did touch the ring at this point). I complain about something or other, I ask him when he wants to turn back. Using a white lie ("I don't think we can go that way") he leads me to a little rock landing near the creek, under a bridge. 

He says, "I had an ulterior motive in bringing you out here." 

I say, uttering the words that will now live in infamy: "You're stupid."

He didn't know that I knew! That's what I meant. Poor choice of words I guess.

Yes ladies, he did get down on one knee. He opened the ring box and I assume he asked if I would marry him (who the hell knows, it is such a crazy moment) and I assume I said yes. He says I hesitated but I'm pretty sure I was just mesmerized by the diamonds.

Even after six years (or maybe especially after six years) there is a lot of pressure placed on this moment. It would have been very difficult for Ronnie to pull off anything that would have surprised me. And my reaction was much less dramatic than what I'm sure he had pictured in his head all this time. But in the end all was as it should be: two people sharing a private moment, making one of the most important decisions of their lives. That's what matters. He asked and I said yes.  

And to all the critics out there whose response was "It's about time!" I have to say this. Maybe he took a little longer than we expected. But he said that he wanted to wait until he found the perfect ring. And that's exactly what he did. 

The Worst Book I Have Ever Read, and Why

(#2) Read 25 Books

1. Room by Emma Donohue
2. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
4. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
5. A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin
6. A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin
7. A Feast for Crows by George R. R. Martin
8. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
9. The Shack by William Young


The Shack is the story of Mackenzie Allen Phillips, a man who loses his daughter Missy in a tragic kidnapping and murder. Years later Mackenzie receives a letter from God asking him to journey back to the shack where Missy's bloody clothing was found. Mackenzie does go to meet God, and is greeted by a Holy Trinity who proceed to inform him about the meaning of life and his purpose in the world.

I probably would not have finished this book if it were not for this blog. But as a lover of reading who has a pretty good grasp on what books I will and will not like, I so rarely wind up reading books that I truly dislike that I felt this would add some nice variety to my reviews. And finishing the book gave more validity to my hatred. I gave it until the very last page to redeem itself. But it never did.

There was absolutely nothing in this book that stimulated thought in me. I can't distinguish one original thought, or even an old wisdom presented in a new way. There was nothing exciting or interesting that kept me reading, whatsoever. I literally couldn't have cared less what happened to the characters.

I've read many other reviews of this book and I know that many people have read it and loved it. Therefore I think it is only fair to explain why I disliked it so much. I'm happy to listen to dissenting opinions. Provided, of course, that they are organized in the form of a 7-point list.

The Top Seven Reasons Why The Shack is the Worst Book I Have Ever Read:

1. Young uses sadness as a crutch. A lot of writers fall into this trap. Sadness is a powerful emotion, especially when coupled with guilt. "A child is kidnapped and murdered. That's really sad. And if I don't feel sad, something must really be wrong with me. I better feel sad." You don't get to capitalize on my emotions by simply making up a sad story. You have to work for them.

2. The book never achieves a suspension of disbelief. Young is asking the reader to accept a lot here- the physical manifestation of God for the purpose of helping one disillusioned man make sense of a tragedy. Such a premise has to be approached very delicately for the reader to be able to accept it. But again Young never puts in the effort to make us believe. He jumps right in with a note from God (I was still with him at this point). Then when we meet God, rather than a subtle introduction, we are bombarded with excessive magic tricks that are not open to any kind of interpretation. There is no time to work up to this, nor does Young ever earn my trust enough for me to believe him.

3. Unnecessary details burden an already difficult plot. This problem also contributes to the lack of  "suspension of disbelief." I am taken out of the story due to odd details such as the main character being a man named Mackenzie (is this really a man's name?) with a wife named Nan. Not only is God a black woman, She is a black woman whom Mack calls "Papa" for no discernible reason. The fake introduction by William Young claiming that this is a real story adds nothing to the story. And what happens to Mack when he leaves the Shack is totally out of left field.

4. The book tells instead of shows. "Show don't tell" is a basic rule of writing that many non-writers probably think is just a platitude. But there is a huge difference between "Mack felt surprised" and "Mack's mouth fell open and his breath caught in his throat." One enables you to envision the situation and draw your own interpretation about how Mack felt. The other is just a sentence. It makes you feel nothing. Young uses this technique in communicating God's message as well. God simply tells Mack of His/Her intentions. There is no element of testing faith or no possibility of the reader drawing conclusions on her own.

5. I find Young's version of God to be offensive. I'm not a particularly religious person. But I found it quite presumptuous for some author to literally write the words of God with his own hand. God in the book literally says "this is my purpose for creating man" and a variety of other direct statements. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I imagine that a particularly religious person would find this extremely offensive. And I'm all for God not being the traditional old white male with a white beard. But if God is going to be a black woman, She should probably be more than just an offensive stereotype that wears a head wrap and says things like "sho'nuff" (seriously...page 119). I would think the creator of all cultures would have a better understanding of them.

6. The characters behave in a way that literally no real person would. Mack meets a family camping for a long weekend (like, three days) and they literally become best friends. The police officer on Mack's case tells him gruesome details about what his daughter's killer has done to other girls. They get a lead on where the killer has taken Missy and decide to wait until morning to pursue him. The dialogue is stilted and at times cringe-worthy. Not to mention Mack's reaction to meeting God and how quickly he believes what he is being told. That could be a whole article in itself.

7. Young attempts too many grand messages and winds up leaving us with nothing. All of these things I could forgive if the book made me feel uplifted in some way or left me with some lasting impression, as many have said that it did for them. But I really can't identify any profound message or enlightening bit of information to be had from this book. God encourages Mack to forgive the murderer of his daughter- not surprising. God reveals that He loves all of his children equally- I'm pretty sure that's just a quote from the Bible. God suggests that the cause of all evil in the world is mankind seeking an independence from Him- somewhat confusing, and quite self-serving. There are just far to many messages crammed into 200 pages for any one of them to be developed enough to have any impact on me.

In short, I am entirely comfortable stating that this is the worst book that I have read cover to cover in my 25 years on this Earth. I think I have provided enough justification as to why. Obviously I can't encourage you to read something that I have just reviewed so scathingly, but I'd really be interested to hear from anyone out there who has already read it. Supposedly there is a group of people out there who actually love this book- but do they really exist?

The Book Aptly Titled "A Clash of Kings"

(#2) Read 25 Books

1. Room by Emma Donohue
2. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
4. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin (book one of the series)
    A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin (book two)
5. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

Let me start by saying: if you haven’t read the first book in the series (or seen the first season of the show), and you intend to, you SHOULD NOT read this blog post any further. In fact don't even scroll down. It is impossible for me to talk about the second book without giving anything away from the first. However, I won’t include any spoilers for book two itself.

We left off with the Seven Kingdoms split by civil war. With the death of King Robert, his son Joffrey takes the Iron Throne. The murder of Eddard Stark has caused his son Robb to lead a host against King’s Landing and the Lannisters. Meanwhile Robert’s brothers Stannis (the elder and therefore rightful heir) and Renly (the younger but more well-liked brother) have both staked their claims. Balon Greyjoy, father of the Starks’ ward Theon Greyjoy, has also declared himself King of the Iron Islands, further complicating the situation.

As the title promises, there are several clashes of the many kings involved. Catelyn Stark, Robb’s mother and the late Eddard’s wife, attempts to reconcile with Stannis and Renly to defeat their mutual foes, Joffrey and the Lannisters. Tyrion Lannister takes over as Hand of the King and is basically the brains behind the Lannister operation, while Joffrey just sits around being evil. Theon Greyjoy turns out to be a less-than-grateful guest of the Stark family. And in the end there is a very large battle involving many of them that turns out to be quite confusing even for those involved.

Meanwhile on the Wall, the Night’s Watch sends out a group to find Jon Snow’s uncle Benjen Stark, who never returned from his own reconnaissance mission. The promise that was set up in the prologue of the first book – of very freaky things to come- finally starts happening.

And in the East, Daenerys Targaryen continues to play the role of the unlikely badass. Only now she is known as the mother of dragons. BAMF.

What I love about A Clash of Kings is the continued development of some very interesting characters. Many people turn out to be not quite who you expected them to be. Bravery is displayed in a variety of ways, and cowardice is the undoing of many who could otherwise be great. And, thankfully but surprisingly, women actually play an important role in almost every story line.

What I don’t love about this book is that it seems George R.R. Martin let success go to his head. The book is about 200 pages longer than the first (which was already about 800 pages) and doesn’t necessarily need to be. The storyline gets a little convoluted at points- brace yourself to be confused during Tyrion’s chapters especially. The chapters are longer too, when the short chapters were one of my favorite things about Game of Thrones.

All in all though I think the story progressed very well and I am very interested to see what happens next.

By the way, Ronnie and I started watching the first season of the HBO show and it is SO. GOOD. It is really hard to keep quiet about certain upcoming developments though when Ronnie hasn’t read any of the books yet. So if you'd like to talk about anything through book 2 with me, I'd be happy to. I'm literally bursting with all of this secret information.

Depending on the Kindness of Strangers, and Other Tragic Mistakes

(#17) Watch 25 Classic Movies

1. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
2. A Streetcar Named Desire

Okay, so so far there has been a theme to my classic movies list- movies based on classic novels. Okay, two themes- movies based on classic novels related to mental breakdowns. But hey, those are two elements of a great movie.

A Streetcar Named Desire is the story of Blanche Dubois (played by Gone with the Wind's Vivien Leigh) who goes to live with her sister Stella and Stella's husband Stanley Kowalski (Marlin Brando) in New Orleans. Blanche soon reveals that she has lost her job as a teacher and lost her and Stella's childhood home after the death of her father. The life she finds in New Orleans is not what she expected nor what she claims to have been used to in Mississippi.

This movie is a feminist's dream/nightmare. I'm not sure whether to be more outraged by the terrible manipulation of Blanche's mental state, the terrible treatment by Stanley of his wife, or the fact that Stella can be summoned back to said relationship by a simple call of "STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Not to mention the burden that Blanche must bear about her past and the way everyone responds when they find out about her secrets.

As I imagine is typical in New Orleans, the story includes alcohol, loud music, violent psychoses and a good deal of sweating and inappropriate levels of clothedness.

The movie stars Marlin Brando in his heyday as the sexy bad boy. Having never seen The Godfather (I know, I know, I will sometime this year) I can't attest to how weird and fat he gets, but he looked pretty good in 1951.

I'll admit that this movie sat in its red Netflix envelope for quite awhile before we got around to watching it, with much protestation from Ronnie ("Awww, two hours! AND its in black and white?!") but we both wound up enjoying it. Surprisingly we even wound up agreeing about what the ambiguous ending really meant.

Why Teaching is Inextricable from Learning, and Why the English Language is so Weird

#12. Teach Someone Something

Done!

When I added this to my list, I did not intend it to be quite so literal. Can a complete lack of irony in itself be ironic? Anyway, I taught an ESL (English as a second language) class.

I should specify that "class" is a very generous term. It was only three students. And I was only filling in for a former co-worker, for three classes total. They were adult Korean students, and their level of English was quite good. What the class was mostly intended to teach them was different English idioms, more complicated grammar, uncommon vocabulary terms, etc.

Honestly I expected myself to get frustrated. I think I hide it pretty well but those that know me know that I can be extremely limited in the patience department at times. But as my students struggled to articulate questions to me- which sometimes I couldn't answer and sometimes I simply couldn't understand the question correctly- I found myself attentive, relaxed, interested in what they had to say. It was truly a pleasure. I felt the mutual respect between two intelligent adults who simply didn't speak the same language and were trying to understand one another.

In addition to the teaching I also loved viewing the English language from a new perspective. When you are fluent in a language you absolutely take it for granted. But there are so many intricacies to English and so many things that- in my limited experience with other languages- make it unique.

By far my favorite day was idiom day. We went over different idioms related to sickness. Would you ever consider "feeling miserable" an idiom? No, its just something we say. But if you consider it literally it doesn't quite mean what we use it to mean. Or how would you explain the phrase "sick as a dog" to someone who never heard it before? It has nothing to do with dogs, and it means very sick, but it has almost a humorous element to it- you wouldn't say someone with cancer was "sick as a dog," for example. It is more appropriate for food poisoning, or hangovers.

It was really fascinating to me. Also a common caveat for teachers is that people who are "good" at something are not always the best at teaching it. I can see how this would be true. It is difficult for me to articulate grammar rules, for example, because I always go by what "sounds right" to me, and it usually works out okay. But to a non-native English speaker, nothing "sounds right"- it is all new and odd sounding and difficult. But I think my interest and passion for the subject in this case offset this problem. I was kind of learning along with them, and that was what made it such a great experience.

Many of you may know that before I got my new job (list item #1!) I seriously considered going back to school to become a college professor. While that plan is on hold for the time being, I think this experience validated it in some small way. I could see myself really getting fulfillment out of teaching.

Granted, of course, that I am blessed with students so willing to learn. Which I realize is a lot to ask.





   

Why Owen Meany is My New Hero

(#2) Read 25 Books

1. Room by Emma Donohue
2. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
4. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin (book one of the series)

5. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

"If you care about something, you have to protect it-- if you're lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it."

-Owen Meany

I can't remember any book in my recent reading history that has had such a profound affect on me. The best way I can think to describe it is...INTENSE.

As I said to Ronnie after I finished reading it- picture the movie Signs, times a million. And a million percent better.

A Prayer for Owen Meany is about Johnny Wheelwright and his best friend, the oddly small, shrill, and prophetic Owen Meany. Owen Meany kills Johnny Wheelwright's mother in a freak accident- hits her in the head with a foul ball at a little league game (I'm not ruining anything- this happens pretty much on page 1). Owen Meany, then eleven years old, comes to believe that he was carrying out a part of God's plan- he says "God has taken my hands."

Which seems like a perfectly legitimate way to respond to killing your best friend's mom at the age of eleven. How could you possibly go on after that without thinking that everything happens for a reason? This sets the tone for the rest of the book. Johnny is largely an observer in the life that Owen Meany orchestrates for the two of them. It is an incredible exploration of faith that left even a not-particularly-religious reader like myself wondering whether Owen Meany could actually know exactly what he was talking about.   

Probably part of the reason I am so crazy about this book is that I am a sucker for a good character-driven story. Owen starts out as a comical and rather unlikable character. But by the end anyone with half a heart is as in love with Owen as the narrator Johnny. 

My one caveat- you have to read this book all the way through to the end to understand how wonderful it is. The story at times can get a little exhausting with details that appear not to matter. But everything- every tiny little thing- comes together in the end in a magnificent explosion of plotted perfection. So have patience, and you will rewarded with (hopefully) one of your new favorites. 

The Day We (Mostly) Met a Famous Person

#22. Meet Someone Famous

Check?

Okay here's the story...

The National Book Festival is sponsored by the Library of Congress on the National Mall every year. It is basically book nerd paradise. Famous writers from all different genres give speeches, read from their books, and have book signings.

There are few- possibly zero- living writers who could top my first experience at this read-a-palooza. I stood in line in the rain for two hours to get a book signed by Tim O'Brien, author of my favorite book for the past 11 years, The Things They Carried (for those of you who don't understand how hard it is for me to have the same favorite book for 11 years, please read this book immediately). ONE person was in front of me in line when his agent came around and said he had to go speak, but would sign books off the side of the stage afterwards. Which led to not just a book signing but a solid five minutes of chit-chat with Tim O'Brien as he smoked a cigarette.

THAT is meeting someone famous.

What happened to us this Saturday was not quite as intimate. But still cool.

My personal favorite author of this year's festival was R.L. Stine. We considered standing in line to get a book signed by him, until we saw what that line looked like. Also, all of my treasured Goosebumps books are in my parents attic, so getting some random R.L. Stine book signed wouldn't have been the same.

Enter, Colson Whitehead.

Ronnie had actually just finished reading his book, Zone One, like a week before. So after we ditched the R.L. Stine idea, Ronnie expressed interested in getting that book signed. We heard him speak first. He was very funny and witty, and Ronnie said he might have understood the book more if he had understood the guy's personality better first.

We arrived a little early for Colson's signing, and the line was pretty short. Then miraculously he also arrived early, and we barely had to wait at all.

I was on paparazzi duty. Ronnie to his credit did manage to form full sentences. I think he said, "Its a real pleasure. I really loved the book."

This next picture I love because, in case you didn't believe us that this guy is famous, here's a picture of him next to his picture on the back cover of the book:

#KodakMoment.

Then, as if Colson Whitehead knew that we would be debating whether getting a book signed by a marginally well-known author counted as meeting someone famous, he decided to sign as follows:

"Great to meet you." You can't make this stuff up. This is my life.

Of course, only Ronnie technically got to introduce himself. And Colson Whitehead wasn't "famous" to me until that day. So just to seal the deal a little more, this happened:

While trying to get a good shot of R.L. Stine (black shirt, glasses, middle of the shot) I was inadvertently standing two feet away from JEWEL. She apparently wrote a book of some sort. 

I'm disappointed we didn't catch her looking. But...who would have ever expected to get R.L. Stine and Jewel together in the same photo?

So maybe it's not "meeting..." but its certainly a great addition to my epic 25th year. And isn't that the whole point?

Game of Thrones Book One. Subtitle: Goodbye Free Time

(#2) Read 25 Books

1. Room by Emma Donohue
2. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
4. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin (book one of the series)

Let me start out by saying, if you are into this kind of thing, you have to read this book. I can’t vouch for the rest of the series-yet- but I loved this one. It starts out slow but by the end you will be turning the pages with fervor and exclaiming out loud to whoever is within earshot “WHAAAAAAAAT! I can’t believe that just happened!”

A Game of Thrones is a fantasy novel taking place largely in the fictional “Seven Kingdoms.” The plot gets quite complex but generally there are three converging stories. Perhaps central is the story of Eddard Stark (“Ned”), Lord of a northern region called Winterfell, and how his life changes as he is selected by the King to be his right hand man. Ned is known to be honest to a fault; the only blemish on his honor being the existence of his bastard son Jon Snow.

Jon is central to another story line- life on “the Wall.” I swear it took me about 400 pages to realize this but the Wall is made entirely of ice. It is the northern border of “civilization” and protects the seven kingdoms from whatever unspeakable things exist in the north beyond. Joining “the Night Watch” is considered an honorable life choice though the cold limits the Watch’s “volunteers” to those who have no other honorable choice to make- convicts, rapists, or in Jon’s case, bastards.

The third story takes place outside of the seven kingdoms, in the East. There an exiled son of a former king, Viserys, lives with his young sister Daenerys. Viserys betroths his sister to a warlord in hopes to raise and army and take back his father’s kingdom. Daenerys starts out rather meek but by the end was by far my favorite character of the novel. (Just writing this makes me relive the final scene of the novel with Daenerys. UGH! So good. Read it immediately.)

This book surprised me in a lot of ways. For one, I didn’t expect it to be so female-friendly. It seems to be the perfect blend of action and drama. There are sword fights and battles, but there is also betrayal, questioned paternity, mysterious disappearances…basically everything you need for a good HBO series. I can see why it has been so successful (and I also can't wait to watch it).

The writing surprised me as well. It does have that pop-culture feel to it- in my opinion the literary value is nowhere near some of my other favorite fantasies like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. I couldn’t help questioning for example how a society totally unique and separate from our own came up autonomously with the phrase “Does a bear shit in the woods?” But I thought the character development was excellent, especially considering how many characters Martin is juggling. I was happy to see so many strong female characters as well, something often missing from these kinds of series.

This book was so good that it threw a major wrench in my goal of reading 25 books this year. For one thing, it is over 800 pages. For another, it is the first in a series of 5 books (or 4 depending on who you ask), all of which are at least as many pages. And somehow counting 5 books of a series as 5 of my 25 just seems like cheating. So I decided to count them as one. Wish me luck.

It Really Did Taste Like Chicken

(#13) Taste 25 Foods I've Never Tasted Before

1. Pattypan Squash
2. Beets
3. Eel
4.Wahoo
5.Lychee
6.Quinoa
7. Raw Oyster
8. Octopus

9. Duck

This was a big weekend of firsts for me. Obviously, it was the first time I tried duck, which I'll address in a moment. It was also the first time I visited Charlottesville (where the University of Virginia is located for you out-of-staters). We went for the UVA/Penn State game which predictably was a lot of fun. It was not my first Penn State game, but it did further solidify my opinion that Penn State and their fans are incredibly awesome.

And it was the first time I stayed in a hostel (which I briefly considered counting as list item #18- take a risk I never thought I'd take. But it turned out to be not nearly as bad as I expected). 

And since they were nice and gave us free bananas, here's a link to their website in case you're ever in town on an extremely modest budget:  www.alexanderhouse.us

Most people were more surprised that hostels actually exist in America than skeptical of staying at them. Well apparently they do exist. And apparently their clientele consists of mainly touring cyclists, Appalachian Trail hikers, and random twenty-somethings attending football games. 

Here's a fact that I have absolutely no idea whether or not it is true but that Chris tells to everyone he knows: Charlottesville has more restaurants per capita than any other city in the U.S. In about 24 hours we patronized four of them, which seems to support his claim pretty well. And at one of them I tried my new food.  

Duck, with some kind of cranberry-type sauce. Also a savory bread pudding with caramelized onions  that pretty much upstaged everything else on the plate.

Once again I was eating food off of Ronnie's plate because I love eating too much to commit to an entire plate of something I'm not sure I'm going to like. But I think we were both happy with that choice- especially after I let him try my delicious salmon with goat cheese couscous.

I guess I was expecting something a little more distinct. The duck tasted like somewhere between chicken and beef. I tried several bites trying to get more of a sense of the flavor (which I guess means I didn't hate it) but I came to that same conclusion. 

I could see where people would prefer it over chicken. It was slightly more flavorful and the texture was a little more...supple? But considering the cost-benefit of duck over chicken I don't imagine I'll be ordering it all the time. Maybe I'll order my own next time just to see.

Anyway, it was a great trip full of excitement and adventure. Charlottesville wasn't what I expected (though what ever is really? I'm sensing a theme to this blog...) but in a good way. I hope I get a chance to go back and visit the wineries that I was too hungov... I mean too tired to visit this time.   

  

The Moment I Understood Why People Like Baking

(#10) Master 25 New Recipes

1. Stuffed Peppers
2. Risotto
3. Polenta
4. Beef Brisket
5. French Onion Soup
6. Chocolate Chip Cookies

I feel about baking the way many people I know feel about cooking. Intimidated, frustrated and like I'm missing the point- is it really worth the hassle when I could just shove Oreo's in my face to my heart's content?

But today something changed.

Ronnie is out at a fantasy football draft so I have the house to myself for a few hours. I had just finished my dinner and I felt like having something sweet. Unfortunately I did not feel like driving myself to the store. Then I had a thought- what are cookies made out of? Like, sugar, flour, and stuff, right? I think I have all of those things!

I Googled "cookie recipe" and got this. And I realized...I DID have all of those ingredients.

Is this what it feels like to be a real adult? Having a legit pantry that enables you to whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies on a whim? If so, my life just became awesome. 

This isn't going to be one of those posts where I walk you through the recipe, because I'm sure most of you are much better cookie-makers than myself. Also, because I'm terrified of baking, I actually followed the above recipe exactly. I even sifted the flour! Who is this mature person??

Also I have no idea how or why I have parchment paper.

Since Ronnie still isn't home yet I didn't trust myself to bake them all at once. Here's hoping I don't eat six cookies before the night is over.

Anyway, TADAA!

Where once I had a random assortment of ingredients that I didn't even know I had in the back of my cabinets, I now have cookies. Not the best cookies I've ever had, certainly. But cookies, basically materializing out of thin air. 

I GET it. I now understand why people like baking.

Look out world. It's about to get real. 

The Best French Onion Soup I've Ever Made- Or Had?

(#10) Master 25 New Recipes

1. Stuffed Peppers
2. Risotto
3. Polenta
4. Beef Brisket
5. French Onion Soup

French onion soup is one of my favorite foods. As a hopeless food lover, this is not something I say lightly. I first had it when I was working at Applebee’s, and many French onion soups later I still love the Applebee’s version. This dish actually opened my eyes to the delightful world of the caramelized onion, who I had shamefully shied away from due to my hatred of its close cousin, raw onion. So of course in gratitude I had to learn to cook it for myself.

This was my second attempt at making French onion soup, and I know I’ll probably play around with it a little more. But it turned out so delicious that I wanted to share this recipe with you all.

Cook time: about 3 hours (but worth it)

Ingredients:
4-6 medium-sized onions (I don’t know a lot about onion types- mine were white, and were labeled “sweet” at the farmer’s market. I also happened to have a shallot bulb in the fridge, so I threw that in as well)
About 3 32-oz containers beef stock (depending on how thick you want it)
1 cup dry white wine
1/3 cup flour
½ cup butter
Olive oil
Worcestershire sauce
Thyme
Rosemary

For the garnish:
Crusty bread (like a French baguette)
Cheese of your choice- I used Swiss, mozzarella, and a little shredded Parmesan

1.  Cut the onion in half through the ends first, then quarter them through the fat middle part. Then slice them thin slices- about 1/8 inch. Consistency is more important than thinness, but get them as thin as you reasonably can.

2. Melt the butter on low heat in a large pot- I used my Dutch oven which I use for everything and highly recommend everyone purchasing. I did a combination of butter and oil to cut down on the butter. Add the sliced onions and mix to coat. Season with salt and pepper.

3. Let the onions cook on low-medium, stirring occasionally, for at least 45 minutes. I left them for about an hour and 15 minutes, but it all depends on the size of the pan and the thickness of your slices. You will basically end up with delicious onion mush. I like to add Worcestershire every now and then as they’re cooking, more for color than anything. If they start to burn or stick, you can add a splash of stock or wine to deglaze.

4. After the onions are cooked through, add about 1/3 cup of flour to make a roux. If it doesn’t look like there is enough moisture to dissolve the flour, you can add some more butter or some stock. Add the flour slowly, stirring constantly, and stop when the onions are coated and start forming almost a paste. Add the rosemary and thyme to taste- I was very generous with the thyme and I think the flavor of it really complimented the onions.

5. Add the wine and cook for a minute or so to get rid of some of the alcohol taste, then add the stock. You can add as much or little liquid as you like depending on how you like your soup. I added about 10 cups.

6. Bring it to a boil, then reduce heat and let simmer. It should simmer for at least another hour, and the longer it cooks the better it will be.

How the soup looked after about an hour. You can see where it has reduced and thickened.

7. For the garnish, I highly recommended purchasing some inexpensive oven-safe bowls. Pour the soup into the bowls. Cut the bread into bite-sized pieces and cover the soup with them. Then add the cheese and melt under the broiler for about 10 minutes, watching it closely.

8. If you do not have oven-safe bowls, cut the bread into slices, top with cheese, and melt under the broiler on a piece of foil. Then put that on top of the bowl of soup. 

The Lesser of Two Culinary Evils

(#13) Taste 25 Foods I've Never Tasted Before
1. Pattypan Squash
2. Beets
3. Eel
4.Wahoo
5.Lychee
6.Quinoa
7. Raw Oyster
8. Octopus

I think I mentioned before that this list item would be a bit of a challenge to me because there are a lot of foods I have already tried (for a 25 year-old with a modest income and relatively unadventurous parents) and there are a few foods I refuse to try-- okay, maybe just veal.

There are a lot of foods I didn’t see myself ever eating, and this was one of them. Namely because I happen to care a lot about animals and know that octopi happen to be very smart. Remember Paul? (btw Ronnie wants me to inform you that it is pronounced Pa-oool, not Paul)

But sitting at dinner with three friends, I was confronted with two foods that I had never tried before, and one of them was veal. So sorry Paul, I ate your little relative. Don’t worry, I probably won’t be eating any more of them any time soon.

I had enough self-awareness to know that I wouldn’t eat a whole plate of octopus, so luckily my friend Chris was willing to share a leg with me. And I’m glad, because it was much less intimidating in piece-meal form.

I cut off a piece from the burnt end of the tentacle first, where the smallest suckers were. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. I had expected a worse texture, but it turned out to be a little like chicken. The taste was much fishier than I imagined though. I guess I was comparing it in my head to calamari (which I hate), and it was nothing like that. I was even bold enough to take another, larger piece- after which I promptly handed the rest over to Ronnie.

I’m guessing that nearly everyone reading this will fall into one of two categories- totally grossed out, or unsure of what the big deal is because they’ve had octopus a million times. I may have been in the former category a week ago, and now I find myself somewhere in the middle. I’m learning a lot about myself through this whole experience, including that things may not be as black and white as I’d like them to be. I encourage you all to to challenge your own conceptions as well. You may surprise yourself.

But I’m still never eating veal.

Little Sammy for a Big Appetite

(#10) Master 25 New Recipes

1. Stuffed Peppers
2. Risotto
3. Polenta
4. Beef Brisket

I had no intention of blogging this sandwich recipe. I just wanted to get some more use out of my slow cooker. But it turned out so well that Ronnie literally BEGGED me to share it with you. We aren't big beef eaters but it turned out really tender, and the other sandwich ingredients really complimented it. Something about the combination of the crunchy pickle with the soft roll and the spicy beef just makes it crazy good. I think it would be great to bring to a party or family gathering. So here it is. 

Barbecue Brisket Sliders

Courtesy of Rachael Ray Magazine, with some slight edits per usual. She didn't post the recipe on her website but she does have a lot of other great stuff there. I marinated it overnight but you could also do it in the morning and eat it the same afternoon. Just give yourself 6-8 hours to cook it.

Ingredients:

1 beef brisket (we used about a 2-pounder, so adjust other ingredients based on size)

1 14 oz can fire-roasted tomatoes (Rachael asked for crushed but I could only find diced- turned out fine)

12 oz cola

small potato rolls 

1/2 cup mayonnaise

1 small can chipotle in adobo

sliced swiss cheese

sliced dill pickles

chile powder (to taste)

salt and pepper

olive oil

1. Trim most of the fat off of the beef. Drizzle with olive oil and then rub in the chile powder, salt, and pepper (Rub in with only one hand so you still have one clean hand to season the other side.) Cut it into even sections-I did four long pieces.

2. Heat some olive oil in a large skillet. Make sure the oil is very hot (but not crazy hot enough to splatter) before adding the meat. Then add the meat pieces. I had a big enough pan to fit it all at once, but if in doubt just do two batches. If you overcrowd the pan it won't be hot enough and your meat won't brown. Brown the meat on both sides, about 4 minutes per side. I actually set it on its edge to brown as well to add some extra flavor. Transfer the meat into your slow cooker (don't turn it on yet!)

3. Add one cup of cola to the pan and deglaze (scraping up the browned pieces). Pour the cola over the meat in the slow cooker. Pour the can of tomatoes over the meat. I piled my tomatoes on top of the meat as well to help it stay juicy. At this point either transfer to the fridge or get ready to cook. I really think allowing it to marinate overnight actually made it even more tender.

4. I cooked on low for 10 hours because it was cooking while I was at work. If you're going to be home all day, cook it on high for six hours.

5. Remove the meat from the slow cooker and transfer to a plate to cool. Once it is cool, shred it with a fork. It should come apart easily. Meanwhile, pour the juices from the slow cooker into a pan and add the other 1/2 cup of cola. Add the shredded meat to the pan and toss in the sauce to cover.

6. Cut open the rolls, add some Swiss cheese and toast them under the broiler. 

7. Mix the adobo sauce from the chipotles with the mayonnaise (to taste- the sauce is pretty spicy). Remove the rolls from the broiler. Spread the mayo on the top roll and add pickles on top of cheese. Then add the shredded beef. 

8. Enjoy!

Another Testament to the Cultural Significance of the Simpsons

(#17) Watch 25 classic movies.

1. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

I’ve been putting off watching this movie because, as with most movies based on books, I wanted to read the book first. But with an ever-growing list of books to read, I decided to just go for it this time.

I think it is a testament to good movie-making that I now want to read the book even more. 

Yes, I know that Ken Kesey said that they were butchering his work and absolutely refused to watch it. But the only problem I saw from a film-making perspective was that they tried to fit too much content into two hours. Which means the book should be even better.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, set in 1963 in Oregon, is the story of Randle McMurphy, a convict who pretends to be crazy in order to “escape” from prison and be sent to a mental institution instead. In a classic case of the cement is always greener on the other side of the iron bars, Randle finds out that the nuthouse isn’t all he had dreamed it to be.

Led by the infamous Nurse Ratched, who has since become a symbol of systematic repression, the hospital employs a routine of humiliation and subtle mind-control that numbs patients into submission. When McMurphy tries to shake things up, she tightens the noose on him even more than the others, and an epic power struggle ensues.

Nurse Ratched and Billy

Jack Nicholson is probably one of the most famous elements from this movie, and while I’m beginning to think he is just playing himself in these types of roles, I think he deserved the Oscar that he won. I think the real stars of the movie though were the supporting actors- Billy, the Chief, Martini, et al. I’ll never forget the scene (shortly after the image above) where Billy is dragged away, begging Nurse Ratched not to tell his mother about his indiscretion. Or the look on the Chief’s face in the last scene…if it hasn’t been spoiled for you already I won’t spoil it now! The interactions between all of the characters are what made this movie so memorable, and what made me want to learn more about them in the book.

The movie is a little off-beat and not for the mentally squeamish. But it is definitely intriguing and well made. I would say it is worth watching.


Also, when I included this list item I chose movies that had cultural significance- in and of themselves but also in pop culture. So I’m happy to say that I finally understand the episode of the Simpsons called "The Old Man and the C Student" where Bart breaks the old people out of the nursing home and takes them fishing. Also the birth of the infamous "Chief Break Everything."

Dreams from an Absent Father

(#2) Read 25 Books

1. Room by Emma Donohue
2. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama

Let me just start by saying: I know things are really intense in the political arena right now. And if you know me, you know my views. I'm not shy about them. But my purpose today is to review a book that I've read.

In fact, this book was recommended to me by a very conservative friend of mine. That it was recommended during a very heated argument, and why he suggested I read it, I won't discuss here either.

Now, about the book.

There have only been 43 presidents in history (relax, Grover Cleveland is counted twice in the 44 total. I looked it up), and there has only been one African-American president. So politics aside, I was interested to find out what it was in Barack Obama's life that made him the one. Unfortunately I should have paid more attention to the description of the book, because he wrote it in 1995 and doesn't even discuss becoming senator. Woops.

What he does discuss is his unusual childhood- largely spent in Hawaii and partially in Indonesia- and his struggle to find his identity as a black man being raised in a white world (and never does he refer to himself as half-black or half-white, always black). Raised by progressive grandparents who had let their daughter marry an African man in the 1950s but who could still never quite understand his situation, and a father who he met once and who spent more time idealizing their relationship more than actually participating in it.

I was surprised by the frankness with which he spoke about race relations. I guess, again, I was thinking of Obama the President who has to speak more politically today. But seeing Chicago's South Side through his eyes opened up a new perspective for me. As he starts his career in politics as a community organizer, I wonder why he never quit. The situation seemed totally, totally hopeless. I encourage anyone with the "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality to give this section a read. These people were getting screwed over from ever angle.

There were also a few fun moments where Obama doesn't realize that he's foretelling his future a little bit, where I'm sitting in 2012 thinking HA!

From a literary standpoint, of course this was no masterpiece. Obama is a politician, not a writer. Pretty much every page leads him to a life-changing epiphany that has little to no relevance on the next page. The writing is a bit choppy, with some details left out and others running on and on.

But overall, it was an interesting read. I like to throw in some non-fiction every once and awhile to hopefully learn something new. And I learned a lot- about our 44th President (it is 44 in this context!), about Kenya and Indonesia and Hawaii, and about a side of America I'd like to hope no longer exists. But almost certainly does.

And to be fair, if anyone wants to recommend a good book written from the other side's perspective, I'd be happy to oblige.

Raw Courage

(#13) Taste 25 Foods I've Never Tasted Before


1. Pattypan Squash
2. Beets
3. Eel
4.Wahoo
5.Lychee

6.Quinoa

7. Raw Oyster

Its true. It happened. Resist your impulse to gag and lets back up for a second.

I was on vacation in the Outer Banks last week. And when I take vacation I commit to it- I barely checked my phone and I certainly wasn't getting on the internet. But I was still working on my list.

Every year we go to Dirty Dicks (yes one of those cheesy beach places with the slogan "I got my crabs from Dirty Dicks"- see souvenir glass pictured below. But they have great crab.) 

And every year Ronnie and his dad order a plate of raw oysters. Never in my life, not even for a millisecond, have I even considered eating one of them. But this year when Ronnie's dad announced he was ordering oysters and looked around the table to see who wanted one, Ronnie gave me a look and I knew I had no choice. Twenty-five new foods. I HAD to do it.

I'm fairly certain I've never had oysters before, unless they were mixed in with other seafood. But I probably wouldn't have counted just regular oysters. I've had clams and mussels, and once you've tried one shellfish, you've tried them all. But RAW oysters- now that is worth blogging about.

They came on a tray of ice with the necessary accoutrements, looking like a grey blob of misery:

I let Ronnie fix mine up since he is the expert. He dressed it with Tabasco, cocktail sauce (made from the horseradish pictured above), and lemon. Then he "loosened it up" from the shell, though he encouraged me to double-check the loosening. 

To you reader I say this- always double-check the loosening. 

What was supposed to slide easily down my throat wound up being more of a struggle than I cared to participate in. I wound up pressing it out with my finger. 

Anyway, I cheersed shells with Ronnie's sister Julie and her two friends Arielle and Anna who (I believe for at least two of them) were also first time oyster slurpers, and down the hatch it went.

It wasn't nearly as slimy as I expected. In fact (aside from touching it with my finger) you could barely detect the texture at all. You don't chew it or anything, you just swallow it whole. All you can really taste is the lemon and the horseradish. And it did have that briny, savory flavor that people love about shellfish. 

Would I recommend it to you? Looking at that picture I almost want to chicken out all over again. But if you have a gracious significant other who is willing to do all the dirty work for you like I did, I would say definitely go for it. 

I also worked hard on list item #11 (get a tan) and of course did a lot of beach reading, so look out for those posts soon!